Dear Elephant Man,
Perhaps you do not suffer from some debilitating, disfiguring deadly disease. Your face does not appear horribly mutated. No mind. This title is not meant to damage your self esteem. No, if it does you are too sensitive and maybe we have you wrong. We refer instead to...
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Dear “White Bear,”
WHITE BEAR! Your skin’s hue of Sprite bottles, severe seasickness, and apple candy is cause for concern. Your sallow belly is not hidden behind your crooked tie. Neither is that torso spanning scar. A vicious fight it must have been. Your American flag top hat, raised arms...
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General: “That’s bullshit. You know it as well as I do that there is no nonpartisan side in this war. You’re either with us or against us. This smarmy news outlet isn’t fooling anyone with your ‘Interviews for Everyone’. You think our people don’t notice those goofy grins or sarcastic comments...
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As you fine, intelligent people are all aware, for millennia the land of the Great Wall, Gunpowder and The Floating Hat has been miles ahead of the competition. Now folks, don’t panic! but kindly lift your chin upwards from the folds of your neck – I’d advise you keep your mouth from gaping...
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Caging the Lions
A general warning issued today by the DNDC demonstrated that results were in fact found during its much-criticized, multi-billion dollar, year-long undercover infiltration operation: “Please beware! Among the Dreamers’ secretive and powerful arsenal of WMDs (weapons of mass distraction) rests the epitome of all evil idleness:...
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Here it is folks, the most recent Wonder of the World. The man with the floating hat. Watch as he struts along, the hat bobbing four solid feet above his head in mid air. “Trickery!” you may say – or worse, “Impossible.”
Well folks, I can guarantee, five hundred percent, that this...
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