Stuff People Ingest Voluntarily episode 31
Before you start accusing us of focusing on the poor, fading laundry as part of our own Antonioni scheme to sabotage the world’s image of an entire nation, let us be clear: we are more interested in the one small bright square so carefully preserved like some tiny peep...
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The Nanjing Galaxy Yacht Club floats securely in the yellowish, turbid water of the Yangtze River. The neighborhood - in the northwest of the city, far from the Ming Dynasty wall - is mostly industrial. Not far upstream is the famous Yangtze River Bridge, a dark, ominous shape stretching across the water....
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Dear Big Ants Who Were Bossing Around the Little Ants,
First, I must say that you look crazy up close. Sorry, but I have been a little off lately and have found that brushing aside distractions clears up a path towards almost clarity.
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Dear Students Who Covet Our Autographs,
When you tell me “write your name” on this pencil case, jacket, notebook, text book, toy, hand, etc. and I ask you, “why?” it is not because I don’t understand what you are saying. No amount of repetition, louder, slower or otherwise will answer my question. I’m looking...
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You of the snaggled teeth and underbite,
(no Spell-Check, not “snuggled,” never snuggled for this beast)
of the drool pooling lips and potato-shaped head,
your face so empty of symmetry,
and suffocating on excess character:
Sit.
You gnarled mess of pedigreed inbreeding.
Do you recognize your disfigurement?
Where is your basket?
Your sweater?
SIT I SAY!
Perhaps you speak no English.
That would explain...
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China loves Walls. Chinese people build walls everywhere. Some are great, some are less so. Many serve multiple purposes such as advertising, keeping people in, keeping people out, hiding something from view, indicating property line, etc. Usually, when a wall isn’t tall enough to deter ninjas, they line the top with shards of glass....
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Dear Sleeping Bicycle Guard,
Finally, we have caught you, after so many undocumented sightings. There is no denying it now – sleeping on the job! Ha! So, as yet another lucky pawner makes off with his lunch resting in some over-worked high schooler’s handlebar basket, we will address the great mystery of...
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