China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Posts Tagged ‘Chinese’

Twas the Night Before Xmas in China

Twas the Night Before Xmas in China

Totally Awesome Picture of the Week 54* A Visit from the Earplugs and Beer Man ‘Twas the night before Xmas and all through the city, Not a whore was motionless, not even the un-pretty. The sausages hung from the wires with care, In hopes that Sheng Dan Lao Ren soon would be there. The foreigners […]


CHINA ANNOUNCES NEW POST-OLYMPIC SLOGAN

Nanjing, CHINA – In effort to more accurately describe their society as a whole, China has stopped the excessive use of phrases such as “One World, One Dream” and “Stronger, Swifter, Higher, Faster,” and instead adopted the term “Zero Delicacy.” Created earlier this month after years of research by The People’s Central Search Committee for […]


Making Room for KFC

Totally Awesome Picture of the Week 43 Young vs. Old or Making Room for KFC The dustpan to my broom, the thin to my fat, the bank to my river. A team in fact! Dull colors Urging “Get lost! Goodbye!” “You are forgotten.” “It’s so easy to drink and cry.” Don’t goad me Old Land. […]


This Ridiculous World Report: Crossing the Street in China

Crossing the street in China is like waking up in the middle of a dream: the line between reality and nonsense is so blurred that it seems like anything can happen. Except, when you step from the curb in China anything can happen (and most of the time, the curb is no safer). At first […]


BEING A TOURIST RICKSHAW PULLER WOULD SUCK

Nanjing, CHINA – A study conducted jointly through the sociology departments of Nanjing Rickshaw University and The Venice College of Gondoliering has found that though both occupations fall under the description of Tourist’s Bitch, it must be said that the Nanjing rickshaw mules have it far worse than their gondolier of Venice counterparts for a […]


Dear Ms. Mazut (Winner of 2nd Premium Pea Prize at the Alaska State Fair)

Dear Ms. Mazut (Winner of 2nd Premium Pea Prize at the Alaska State Fair), We can see how you’d be confused. Since you entered produce in the Alaska State Fair, you are probably from the nearest town, Wasilla, a place known for little more than in-breeding and pregnant teens. Perhaps you have never seen a […]


ON OUR WAY BACK TO CHINA!

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Dear Woman Who Handed Me Her Baby and Began to Walk Away

Dear Woman Who Handed Me Her Baby and Began to Walk Away, Not cool. I don’t know which I was more afraid of: you running off and leaving the snoring little creature in my hands, or the snoring little creature releasing its processed meal through its assless pants and onto my hands. Though we smiled […]


Very Fashion China 3: Socks and Sandals

No, really, it is absurdly hot in this city these days. Hot and humid; which explains all the bare calves in our images. For many women this craze consists of sheer, ankle-height, leg-bulgingly-tight nylons. Of course, these wunder-hosen usually accompany hooker heels and are accessorized by umbrella (so as to protect the effects of the […]


When in China… Stop and Stare at Everything

While it is well documented that Chinese people tend to gape at foreigners, it is unfair to leave it at that – they stare indiscriminately at everyone and everything (we once witnessed an entire street of people, ourselves included, gawking bewilderedly at a Chinese man in short, pastel shorts). As you can see, wherever there […]


Example of a Good Pomelo Rind Room

Totally Awesome Picture of the Week 26 Almost every shop on the streets around our house, including – but not limited to – the welders, prosticutters, printers, auto refurbisher, glass cutter, water supplier, plaster distributor, florescent bulb makers, and restaurants operate out of these vertical pull door storage units: garages, wide-open all day to the […]


No Earthquake Woes, Yichang Knows

I am talking on the phone to the foreign teacher assistant. “We were wondering,” I begin, “If there is an earthquake during class, what are we supposed to do with our students?” A chuckle on the other end lets me know that once again I am being a silly foreigner. “We have no earthquakes here,” […]


Very Fashion China 2: Shirtless Sleeves

As anyone into fashion these days can tell you, it is not cool to have your lower arms covered in mud and chicken blood. Luckily, you can always slip on these practical shirtless sleeves when you need to keep your wrists clean. Since you’re spending all your money on fancy new clothes, the most logical […]


NO CATASTROPHE HERE!

Yichang, CHINA – Despite abundant evidence indicating otherwise, there has in fact been no disaster – natural or man made – here in Yichang. The power lines intertwined with trees, buildings reduced to rubble, roads trenched useless, and air filled with debris are all purposeful expressions of success. World, meet the Chinese Developmental Pre-Olympics Urban […]


When in China… Gawk as the Chinese Gawk!

Write it off as a side-effect of decades of isolation? Preposterous! The International Herald Tribune’s Vivian Toy, a Chinese American, recently published this article about her experience visiting China with her children who are half-white half-Chinese. Toy’s scattered story of a defensive American mother reacting to Chinese people being Chinese also offers short notes on […]


Stuff People in America Might Sue Over! Round 2

The coffee giant Starbucks has most certainly staked its claim on Chinese soil. Just last year they were ousted from the prime real estate within the Forbidden City. The company has plenty of other locations throughout the country, but they have yet to open up a shop in the minor city of Yichang. To make […]


Dear Young Man Using Your Motorcycle to Blow Bubbles in the Yangtze

Dear Young Man Using Your Motorcycle to Blow Bubbles in the Yangtze, I don’t know who you impressed more: us, the woman doing her laundry, or the man soaking his motorcycle downstream. To be honest, your objective was unclear. Our top three theories as to what exactly it was that you were doing are: 1. […]


Very Fashion China 1: Hooker Boots and Hard Labor

Our more perceptive readers may have gathered through the blur and reflections that this picture was snapped from a moving vehicle. A public bus to be precise, and though it was filled with people wearing similar outfits, my western mind judged it an inappropriate place to begin our quest to define China fashion. And besides, […]


Dear Young Chinese Man with the Crazy Hair

Dear Young Chinese Man with the Crazy Hair, We apologize for our forward manner. Also, for our presence, which seems to be causing great displeasure. We do not mean to offend. Despite the title we have given you, your hair does not concern us – although it is curious. What troubles us is your face. […]


The Slow Process of Manufacturing Ideals

Totally Awesome Picture of the Week 22 This is White Horse Cave. Feelings provoked within its confines are less of the typical spelunking claustrophobia and more of the “searching for the bar in some sort of labyrinth style new age night club.” Though it is obvious that the tour of this hole in the ground […]