China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

FLATTENED FROG MAKES THREE IN MURDER SPREE


ASIA – A local frog has been identified as the latest victim in a string of mysterious roadside deaths. The amphibian was discovered within a mile of last Wednesday’s snake corpse. These two incidents have now been officially linked with the bizarre fish killing of February 20th.

Continuing the trend, the unfortunate frog was found dried and pressed evenly into the gravelly street. Photographs reveal two punctures in its skin, suggesting the use of a firearm. But certain locals speculate that the fat little creature just popped like a batrachian balloon.

“Those frogs are really just jumpy pockets of air,” said one nearby resident. “They’re always hopping into trouble.”

Criminal psychoanalysts are struggling to keep ahead of the killer, but no clear motive or methodology has been established.

“It’s clear that we are dealing with a deeply troubled individual,” offered the spokeswoman for the police department. “He, or she, obviously carries some hostility towards small, helpless creatures, but we are hesitant to assume this hatred is exclusive to non-mammals. We now have three victims of distinct animal kingdoms: a fish, a reptile, and an amphibian, which leads us to suspect we may have a pattern-killer on our hands. We have issued a warning to all lesser creatures, including rodents, marsupials, and even birds.”

Refusing questions, she added, “We cannot be too careful. There is a maniac on the prowl.”

Leave a Reply