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REPTILE ROADKILL RUMORS RUN RAMPANT


ASIA – The remains of an unidentified snake were found stamped to the side of a beach town road on Wednesday. Authorities are investigating the possibility of foul play, but no official statement has been issued. A spokeswoman for the local police department was hesitant to assume any link to the recent fish murder of Two Horse Road.

“Despite the similarity in circumstances, the cause of death in this case has not yet been determined,” she said.

But some locals are already convinced, noting the disturbing absence of eyeballs in both victims.

The snake, a common Calubrid (similar to the North American garter snake), was apparently attempting to slither across the road to a safe patch of grass when it died. Tire tracks leading from the scene indicate that it was flattened by a two-wheeled vehicle of some kind, but it is unknown if it was already deceased at the time.

“It’s a real shame,” said the snake’s discoverer, a local man who preferred to remain anonymous. “He was such a young snake. All he wanted was some shade. It’s a crazy world out there these days. You try to do something good and honest, and – well… Whamo.”

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