China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Very Fashion China 4: Face Shield

As everyone in China knows, the sun – aside from being the magnificent giver of life – is also the ultimate evil, at all times threatening to thwart your efforts to maintain a perfectly colorless epidermis. How deranged is the paradox of that great ball of fire – at once offering light and creating darkness. And despite so many attempts to block its rays with endless clouds of dust and carbon-based smoke, it only glows redder and more intense, apparently angered.

While those ungrateful, naturally white-skinned people may be content slipping on a pair of sunglasses and applying a weak sunblock, the Chinese need more to ensure the desirable complexion of porcelain. There are, of course, all variety of parasol, as well as creams, lotions, and potions, but none of them offer enough shade for today’s mobile society. Luckily, a much more efficacious product has now emerged. Behold – the flip-down polarized visor face mask! In addition to providing unequaled protection against ultraviolet rays (U.V. protection not proven), it also deflects all kinds of eye-penetrating particulate matter, making it perfect for traveling on all forms of two-wheeled vehicles, including – but not limited to – bicycles, scooters, and roller skates.

As you can see, the face mask is appropriate for all – men, women, and children. In fact, there is a whole line of child-specific designs, allowing Chinese youths to hide behind the superhero visage of their choice (must flip up to ingest food, however).

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