China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Pickin’ em Up Here, Boss

Totally Awesome Picture of the Week 12

WOooh! Happy New YEArs! Open your eyes and prepare yourself for another fascinatingly didactic tale in the land of serious life lessons presented through nonprofessional photography-with a twist! Seeing as it is currently 11:36PM, December 31st, 2007, this week’s issue will be written wIth random capitalizations (and perHaps mistakse) so as to indicate intOxication. WOooh!

Let us eXamine this man. He is small, no more than 5’4″ and thin. He is iN the process of picking up 100lbs of oranges, probably more than two-thirds of his body weight, and smoking a ciGarette as if to prove: “It aIn’t no thang.”

Now, let us propose soMe New Years ResolutIONs for this champion of the Chinese countrYside.

In 2008:

1. I will liFt 200 lbs. of oranges using my clever stick weight dispersing method.

2. I will smOKe 2 ciGarrettes as i lift 200 lbs. of ORanges.

3. I will losE 5 lbs.

4. I will get outside more freQuently.

5. I will eat 50 oRanges in an hour and leave the reason to be interpreted (please choose one), to gaIN the resPect of the boys – or – becaUSe I have notHing better to do.

6. I will contiNue to wEar this Hat in hoPes that by 2009 it wiLL be worn-in enough TO seLL to an American faShion chain.

7. I will build doors for my house.

This, I think, is a gOOd, hearty list. The main porpoise of course being to inspire – and for those of you less creAtive, you may, like pIRATEs, commandeer this superman’s ambitions for the the neW year – but we warn you, they are amBITious, and he is a superman – don’t throw your back out.

One Response to “Pickin’ em Up Here, Boss”

  1. Erin says:

    you have the word ‘pirates’ in that entry and it reminded me i got my sister a pirate book for christmas, recomded ages 9-11, and on christmas she talked like a pirate for 8 hours. didn’t break at all. not even while we were playing monopoly or trivial persuit.

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