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The War on Dreams: Part X

General: “That’s bullshit. You know it as well as I do that there is no nonpartisan side in this war. You’re either with us or against us. This smarmy news outlet isn’t fooling anyone with your ‘Interviews for Everyone’. You think our people don’t notice those goofy grins or sarcastic comments cleverly inserted through your interview questions? Do you realize that sarcasm is against the law? If it wasn’t for that ridiculous Bill of Rights I’d have my people arrest you right now while I’ve got you in front of me but no, instead I have to wait until we have explicit proof.”

TRW: “Are you serious?”

General: “What! Of all the low-down – are we on the air?”

TRW: “Yes, since five o’clock.”

General: “You sneaky little…”

TRW: “Today’s topic is the so-called ‘Renegade Dreamers.’ What progress has The State made against these highly-mobile Renegade Dreamers? Are they as impossible to catch as the critics lead us to believe?”

General: “It’s actually renegade dreamers – the lowercase is very important – horrible renegade dreamers are very difficult to single out from ordinary, law abiding citizens – like a few evil vipers mixed into a pit of good vipers. There isn’t much we can do. Can we kill all the vipers? Well, yes, I suppose we can, but is it just to kill 99 good snakes to destroy one bad? I know most people would answer ‘Yes! Of course!’ and even I, myself, think maybe, but now our current chief doesn’t think so. Instead we have to sit and wait for the nasty renegade dreamer evil viper to act up. Let him reveal his hissing, snaggle-fanged self to us.

So, no, it’s not impossible to catch those nefarious renegade dreamers. As for progress, we’ve realized that we just have to wait for it to swallow a dog. It’ll be pretty easy then to spot the bad egg.”

TRW: “Evil snake?”

General: “Yes, villainous renegade dreamer.”

TRW: “What threat do renegade dreamers pose to the structure and integrity of life as we know it?”

General: “Absolute. If the depraved renegade dreamers have their way, life as we know it will be transformed into something horrible and different.”

TRW: “Really? Will there still be elevators?”

General: “What? Elevators? I suppose not but it really is difficult to say at this juncture. Elevators are not really a big concern to us right now.”

TRW: “What floor are we on?”

General: “I don’t know, the 53rd?”

TRW: “Exactly. Would you have attended this interview if there was no elevator to lift you up to our studio?”

General: “No. Probably not.”

TRW: “Does The State ever hold negotiations with the renegade dreamers?”

General: “Of course not. I’m sure you know very well, as it is common knowledge, that The State’s policy is to not negotiate with any type of those fiendish dreamers. In fact, it is an act of treason.”

TRW: “It is common knowledge that many of our viewers are in fact dreamers. If there is anything you would like to say to them, about elevators, for example, this is a great chance.”

General: “Blasphemy! Entrapment! How dare you!”

TRW: “No sir, I simply meant you could tell me and the dreamers may or may not get the message. For example, something about how elevators are important to all of humankind, The State and the dreamers alike. I know it would mean a lot to a lot of people if you could save elevators. You will probably be considered a hero.”

General: “Well, all right, I suppose that will could not do any harm. Elevators are very important. Listen here you dreamers – elevators are important to all of humankind. Without them there would be too many stairs and many important bureaucratic buildings would be rendered useless.”

TRW: “Very moving, sir. Thank you. You mentioned elevators. What do you do while you wait in the elevator?”

General: “Nothing of course. You have to stand still in an elevator. You don’t want to give the other passengers the wrong idea.”

TRW: “Do you think about how you are moving upwards in a metal death-box with potentially dangerous strangers?”

General: “No. Like everyone else I try to think about something else, for example, maybe what I ate for lunch or what I hope to eat for dinner.”

TRW: “But isn’t that, I mean, thinking about something else, about something hypothetical or ideal, isn’t that dreaming sir?”

General: “You people are attacking me! The agreement was we’d talk about the dangerous, evil, terrible renegade dreamers. This interview is over.”

TRW: “And haven’t we?”

General: “I have rights, you know!”

Portly, bald, uniformed and mustachioed man makes swift exit

TRW: “Yes, of course, that ridiculous Bill of Rights. Well, thank you very much. As always it was an illuminating pleasure to have The fantastic General on our show. Until next time, this has been another episode of The War on Dreams: Important Explanations. Today’s Problem – Elusive Renegade Dreamers. The Solution proffered – Bait them with dogs. Until next time, good night and sweet no-dream abyss.”

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