The Fourth Modern Wonder of the World

Don’t make light of this folks! This sophisticated sorceress of polyester tunics and sequined stretch capris is more than a granny before her time! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, this here happy momma has more surprises than a Magic Marker and more class than an Asian high school student!

You may have a difficult time seeing clearly (as she prefers to travel in a thin, flattering veil of grit) but dangling from her ears are the only known successful creations of alchemy – tubular nuggets of pure 24 carrot gold. Inches from her rear you’ll discover the laboratory – an ordinary child by appearance but a tyrant in reality. Without even so much as an inkling of his own importance he already demands the world bow before him. Perhaps his constipated maturity is the secret to her success – because she wipes his ass, she reaps the gold. But, your guess is as good as mine for the recipe lies hidden deep in the turns of the master’s labyrinth mind, accessible only through her expressionless coin-slot eyes.

Stick around folks! That gold factory and its products are the least of this fantastic creature’s mystique! Behold! Stronger than air! Ignorant of Gravity! Disdainful of racial traits! A hairdo of the future! At once a whirlpool, fire, field, a single rose! Beauty in chemical arrest! A true wonder of this ultra modern world.

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2. The Second Modern Wonder of the World
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