China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Returning to China

We took the train to the border of Hong Kong and China. When we got there everything turned backwards again. We were directed, herded to these nonsensical “lines” waiting to leave Hong Kong and enter the PRC. We waited for 45 minutes amongst the stinking, spitting, snot rocketing crowd returning to china. We were almost to the front. Finally. Then, from a fellow line waiter—“Excuse me but this line is Chinese only.”—WHAT!? NO!—“Yes, so sorry. Only Chinese.” Back we went, a little rougher this time pushing and shoving and wheeling over toes and another train was arriving so the crowds poured towards us and we pushed through.
Then—Wait. Stamp. Walk. Fill in form. Wait in line. Stamp/sign—visa no more entries other tourist visa canceled trip for no reason. Back in China.
Walk walk walk—Shenzhen. No English anywhere—no help desks no helpful people. Try train—no train to airport. Tick tock tick tock OH MY GOD IT’S 6 ALREADY—it was 3 when we left. So we walk faster—no subway to airport—taxi line so long—“I’ll take you 200 kuai, very fast to airport.” Follow follow follow—why subway? Why cell phone? This is wrong NO NO NO!
Bus station—upstairs tickets? No, mall again. Malls everywhere. YOU BUY NOW. BEST PRICE! Downstairs—WATCH OUT! HONK!HONK! Bus almost smashes Owen. 6:15 What’s going on!? This is impossible. No bus. Wait in taxi line. Waiting waiting tick tick tock tock. 10 people, 9 people, 8 people moving, inching, centimetering forward. OUR TURN! In the cab—fast driver! FEIJI CHANG! Fast driver fast! Oh no. 6:30—traffic. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. 6:50 traffic go go. Expressway. Drive so fast zoom zoom past everyone. OH MY GOD! You shouldn’t go this fast in China—the system isn’t made for speeding. We might die. We’re going to die. Whoa whoa whoa. 7:00 airport. Pay go go go. Around, around eyes going around. Wrong terminal. RUN! RUN! To terminal B. Here we are. Ok Ok—lady here’s our information—Loud speaker, “Flight blah blah blah to Yichang is now boarding.” Moment of silence———–Look to the lady’s face. NO! oh no. “You missed this flight.”
Over there over there. No, there. Clickity click behind the desk. Where are we? Why are we here? Why? No. “Pay us $640, tomorrow night you leave.” Same flight 24 hours later. IT’S STILL ON THE GROUND! What now?
Shenzhen, China I hate you. Inexpensive hotel booked through airport—all very nice and kind but so frustrated—tears—tired—at hotel, feet aching, stomach hungry. No dinner tonight. Sleep away the Shenzhen. Sleep away the China.

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