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Nanjing, CHINA – Pay phones have been disappearing from kiosks in a series of thefts that has left little to no impact on the citizens of the city. When asked about her discovery, Long Xiaomei, the eighty-one year old local woman who is credited with reporting the missing phones commented, “What! What’s gone? Oh, yes, the phones with the little shoes, of course they’re missing.” As she continued her voice began to rise, “I’ve told the police. What else do you want from me? My feet are small but not that small!” She finished with a kick of her once bound feet to demonstrate.

“The phone company has been alerted. They had been meaning to take down those phones for over a year so the thief is actually doing them a favor,” said Captain Hu, a local police spokesperson. “Because the old woman complained we did have forensics do a check on the baby shoe calling card. It was covered in finger prints of the old woman. Her grandson is a friend of mine. I made a few calls. The next day he showed up with a tricycle cart full of phones. The phone company didn’t want them back. Now they’ve been sitting out on the curb for days. The garbage ninjas are afraid of stolen goods. It’s really a pain in the neck. Now the old woman is asking around trying to find her shoes. I guess this case is closed.”

Long Xiaomei declined to comment further.

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