China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

MISSING CHINESE DIGGER REEMERGES ALIVE!


Nanjing, CHINA – While China abandoned its controversial project of digging a hole to the West over three decades ago, an undisclosed number of diggers were never called back and have long been assumed dead and lost among the many tunnels. However, one of those highly-trained burrowers has apparently resurfaced – though not in the West. The man, who had only a pickax, broke through the concrete of a busy Nanjing sidewalk. His identity is unknown, as all records of the project were destroyed, and his body appears to have undergone extreme deformation during the years of living in small spaces and absolute darkness.

One passerby said of the man said, “He popped out of the ground and he immediately started screaming, ‘America? America? America?’ He did not seem well.” Another witness reported that he appeared blind, and was “sniffing about the air like a mole.” It is yet unknown how he managed to survive for so long, although experts have pointed to the great number of nutrients found in subterranean lifeforms such as grubs and worms. The digger is currently undergoing medical examination.

Local municipal workers have begun securing the hole in the sidewalk, while a search team has descended into the tunnel to determine the man’s starting point. The central Government has yet to offer an official statement.

Leave a Reply