China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

HAVE NO BEER! THE TEA-MEN ARE HERE!


Nanjing, CHINA – In a surprise publicity appearance today, the Lipton Tea-Men astounded passing drivers and pedestrians alike. Fighting their way through the carbonated chaos of Big Soft Drink Street, they showed themselves to be less yellow-bellied and more yellow-track-suited and yellow-grocery-basketed than previously assumed. Upon reaching the other side, the team spent hours pestering pedestrians and cyclists alike. “I can’t handle any more of this flower power propaganda,” commented one young mother as she slapped a tea bag from her toddler’s playing fingers and handed him an empty McDonald’s cup to chew on.

When asked if they were worried about concealing their identities, one Tea-Man laughed heartily, “We are young Chinese men, millions of other people look just like us.” The Tea-Men handed out samples and posed for pictures, smiling happily until rumors of an appearance by their arch enemy, Coffee Joe, came to fruition. “Chinese people love Joe!” said an old man holding a cup of Joe’s thick black sludge. “Joe represents the new China. It’s great that his product costs 25 times as much as the Tea-Men’s. It gives people a way to show how much their lives are improving.” He finished, throwing his empty cup at the retreating men in yellow and shuffling back into the flock of people waiting impatiently for more of Joe’s handouts.

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