China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

New Year Predictions

The niu year has now passed. While it may be inauspicious to go digging up old news and past grudges, a quick rummaging through our archives has revealed a few loose tigers, so to speak, which deserve a bit of the spotlight on this festive day. And perhaps they can help us in our unsolicited foretelling.

What does this coming year hold in store for the common man, the average worker, someone like the honest vendor with his rare mammal claws and immaculate white Nikes? We can only predict that the inevitable surge in demand for tiger paraphernalia will bring him a quick sales boost and a sudden arrest when the time comes for appeasing cries of animal activists.

The odds are not good for the old cat at the Yichang zoo, considering the fate of his former cellmate, who was prematurely minced up and frozen for jiaozi filling a few years ago. In the year of the cow the people ate beef. In the year of the rat, some people ate rat…

As for the famous leaping tiger of Yunnan, his questionable fate is surely to be decided by the string of dams planned in his neighborhood. After all, the name Tiger Leaping Reservoir is much more impressive.

4 Responses to “New Year Predictions”

  1. Chinamatt says:

    Maybe we can produce tofu tiger meat…9 out of 10 endangered animal connoisseurs can’t tell the difference.

  2. mw says:

    Nice piece. Down-to-earth. Never been to the Yichang Zoo, although we lived in Wuhan and Chongqing in the 90s and took the boat a few times. I borrowed the picture for illustrating a poem at http://dujuan99.blogspot.com/2009/12/blog-post_1012.html, hope you don’t mind.

  3. cs says:

    when it comes to the year of dragon, what will people eat?

  4. Lydia says:

    A friendly lady in a cowboy hat sells her exotic animal parts outside my building in Xiamen weekly. It saddens my heart that animal rights seem non-existent in this country, and the rest of the world doesn’t seem in too much of a hurry to change that.

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