MAKING CHINA MORE RED

Nanjing, CHINA – There is a new odor floating around the streets of China as of late, causing more puckered noses and headaches: paint. Groups of young patriots have taken it upon themselves to increase the Redness of their nominally Communist country – in quite a literal sense. Aside from hanging the national flag and plastering surfaces with stickers, these activists have begun spraying and smearing various objects with bright red paint. One eager participant explained, “We were very concerned about all the talk of making China green. Green is not the color China. So where did this idea come from? Well, there are many theories. Green is the color of watermelon rinds, and in Chinese, you know, the word for watermelon, (xi gua), means ‘Western Melon.’ Clearly this is a sign of foreign influence.” When asked if they understood the correlation between the term ‘green’ and environmentalism and health, one group of painters just scoffed. “That is ridiculous,” said one young man. “The environment is brown, not green.” He then lifted a bucket of red paint and dumped it into a nearby stream.

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