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Townsfolk examine ducks for signs of disaster

Remote Place, CHINA – ‘Swine’ not ‘Swan’ fu read the latest in a series of misleading and misinterpreted messages from an unknown but important source. Two weeks ago a similar message prompted the slaughter of the town’s entire duck population. After careful inspection mayor Huli announced, “It has been determined that the ducks look delicious, but, in light of the international flue crisis, they shall not be burned.” When asked why they slaughtered ducks in response to the problem of deadly swans, a town spokesman answered, “Upon careful analysis of the English language it was determined that ducks and swans sometimes interact, even share mothers. We have no swans but plenty of ugly ducklings. We thought, they better go, just in case. And thus the ducks were drained of blood and plucked of feathers.” Countless residents have taken seriously ill by the consumption of uncooked duck meat. Following the most recent warning, consultation of the English language dictionary for “fu” revealed it to mean “a long narrow mustache in which the ends taper and droop down the chin.” The ever zealous farmers were quick to respond to the call of duty, grabbing their razors and heading to the sties.

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