China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Good Luck China


Totally Awesome Picture of the Week 36

Asia is a pagoda made of Samsung television sets.

Personified within this architectural beast’s tapered walls and flashing postmodernist programs is every repressed, suppressed, depressed or otherwise pressed living being – man, animal, and plant – of recent Asian country-itude just waiting for their own opportunity to feed those magical screens.

However, this Asia, this tower with no doors and no windows, this isolated fortress of reflection (now it becomes clear I am speaking more specifically than I previously thought), lets very little light pass through its walls to its people. And the light that is absorbed has been so filtered and obscured that it appears to be comprised of the same milky dun hue of their buildings and air – taste-free, unobtrusive foreignness – and what could be more unstirring and easy to accept than this?

This unfortunate mistake in the pagoda’s design is to blame for the cultural misrepresentations that have led to the misguided embrace of American icons like KFC or Kenny G or the Backstreet Boys. And now, with their teeth sunk so firmly into the festering shit they were previously fed, they of course refuse to see it for what it is; both their mental well-being and their country depends on the denial. For, as soon as the first jaws drop in recognition of distaste, a flood will follow, a flood of half-chewed foreign culture dung – horribly excessive amounts, a magnitude that will surely clog and disrupt even the most industrious garbage ninja’s flow.

And then – when the mess has drifted clear, and the remains have floated harmlessly into the nets of other isolated and depraved peoples – then, possibly, a rusty, stumbling innovation, lacking confidence in new ideas but embracing them anyway, will emerge from these light-less people. A Groundhog day type stutter or two is certain, but, no matter the outcome, it will be a sign that spring is near. And oh, what a spring it will be! A throng seething with energy and capable of displaying powerful messages of consequence and direction! A renaissance of creative thought! A renaissance, that is, if the distracting screens of their previously unseen exterior don’t trap them with the flash boom bang of empty recognized icons and long-passed Western pop culture flings.

We won’t hold our breath.

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