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Garbage Ninja Report Update

It has been over a year since I last wrote on the Garbage Ninja species. Don’t let this fool you. We have not for one moment slackened our research or field work on the subject. Nor have we been entirely frustrated by a lack of results. You may remember from the original Garbage Ninja Report that the Garbage Ninja is an elusive and relatively unknown mammal. Perhaps you even caught the news in December of 2007 when there was a possible sighting. Well, this turned out to be an elaborate hoax.

In August of 2008 our research center was relocated to the Yangtze river delta area. The species of Garbage Ninja in this region appear to have developed abnormalities and perhaps have mutated entirely into some sort of new sub-species. Compared to their central western ancestors of Hubei province, the Jiangsu Garbage Ninjas are sluggish, overburdened with abundance and generally unconcerned with secrecy.

Apart from conspicuously displaying pilfered “goods,” they also seem boastful of their newly acquired belongings, flaunting them carelessly in the presence of other suspected garbage ninjas and quarreling openly over unclaimed garbage in public.

The case has been made that this undignified behavior is just cause to strip them of their “Ninja” title, thus leaving them only to be defined as “Garbage.” Humanitarians all over the city have aligned firmly against this action. Leading activists wear shirts and have paid for billboards which read “Garbage Ninjas are People Too” and “People [=with a cross through it] Garbage.”

Many of the Jiangsu Garbage Ninjas, however, are pushing for the change.  Their argument lies in the fact that it takes much less effort to say “Garbage” than “Garbage Ninja.” Though they cannot afford t-shirts or billboards of their own, there have been a few cases of vandalism, with the Humanitarians’ signs being marked, “Calling us Garbage is like calling another man Treasure.”

As I’m sure you have gathered, these Garbage Ninjas are very different from their Hubei relatives. In fact, the two groups seem to have little in common aside from their affinity for garbage. For the time being, this scientist, at least, is very skeptical of this eastern band of Garbage Ninjas and is altogether reluctant to accept them as such. Is it not highly probably that these so called Garbage Ninjas, claimed relatives of the mythical tricksters yet who resemble them not in habit, stealth, nor manner, are nothing but impostors and shameful opportunists who saw the previous hoax on CCTV?

This is a thought I have long held to myself, but now, as the controversy comes to a boil I feel it necessary to allow others this doubt as well. Let us not walk blindly into the gypsys’ trap; question what you are told, for the dignity of a species may rely upon it.

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