China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Garbage Ninja Report

Garbage Ninjas are a species of mammal. Until recently, they were believed to be nocturnal but now I think that perhaps they are late afternoon/early evening-turnal too because I accidentally hit one with the door at around 4:38 the other day when I was putting another garbage item outside into the stairwell of the apartment building. It is possible and not so unlikely that they never sleep because it seems that they are ready to steal trash at a moment’s notice. Or, maybe they are many and sleep whenever they please. We will probably never know.

Garbage ninjas prefer bedding products like the ones we found in our apartment – stained and foul smelling – and also seem to covet empty plastic bottles. I left a half full Pepsi bottle outside and it was there for days, put an empty one out there and it is gone within the hour. That is the most scientific way to gauge their preferences: Time the “placed outside” to “disappearance” process. It is a little tricky because they are small and fast and probably all knowing. Also, I tried to look them up on Wikipedia so that I could collaborate information with a community of my peers, but they seem to be one step ahead of the internet just as with everything else, and this side of the Great Wall Wikipedia is nothing but a myth (as many have asserted Garbage Ninjas may be).

More as the story develops.

2 Responses to “Garbage Ninja Report”

  1. courtney says:

    Is the garbage ninja native to china or has it migrated from other lands? are they found outside of china? is the garbage ninja an aggressive species or only if you are in the way of their garbage?
    hope you two are well.

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