Dear Sichuan Monarch Sanitary Ware Co., Ltd.,
Let’s begin with a scenario:
We are walking along the streets of Nanjing, two years past, when a chocolate-brown bus comes hurtling by, its entire visible body transformed into advertising space. It does not feature an airbrushed Taiwanese corn juice model, but instead an oversized naked white child with neatly-combed blond hair standing two feet back from a glowing acrylic toilet (seat up). Into this receptacle the precocious boy is directing his extraordinary stream, skillfully arcing it at a height above his own head.
Cut to present day, Jinhua. Now we are riding a bus, and from the window something catches our attention. Another advertisement, this time stationary, behind the glass of a display case on the side of the road. There is something awfully familiar about it, and we get off to get a closer look. There we see a white child, naked aside from a blue flotation device, with combed blond hair, standing two feet from a sleek shower appliance while water mysteriously splashes into a perfect crown.
The scenario is true, of course. And the child, un-aged during the interval, is the same in both cases. Amazing, we initially thought, that someone would steal the image of that bare-bottomed lad and sloppily photoshop it to their own purpose! However, upon digging up the old image, we discovered that there was no theft of imagery, for the two advertisements belonged to one company – you, the wearer of that watery crown, Sichuan Monarch Sanitary Ware Co., Ltd.
How limited, indeed. But even then, we did not realize the full oddity of your story. We were too amazed by the deplorable photoshop work, which had mutated the once smooth, well-groomed, and content child into a miserable, scowling creature with a bad back apparently too drunk to lift toilet seat and show off his piddling prowess (those years of fame since his first pose truly took a toll). We were more than a little surprised that you had not recycled the original stream to have it spraying from the shower head.
But we cannot all be so creative. Perhaps your advertisers have been too busy watching pirated copies of Mad Men and, modeling their behavior after the show’s characters, have taken up chain-smoking and heavy drinking over lunch (wait, that was already the behavior of Chinese businessmen). Anyway, when you’ve hit on a good thing, why change it? Which is apparently exactly what you were thinking when you placed the image of the peeing boy into near permanence as the background on your company’s website.
Who knows what reasons you had for altering your precious icon for the most recent ad. Did you receive complaints over the naked buttocks? Perhaps you, as a star of the Sanitary Wares industry, cannot publicly condone urinating in the shower, though we did not see any such stipulation in your Service Promises. We were happy, however, to see that you had included this rule in your Behavior Criterions for After Service Workers: “No smoking, eating and living in customers’ house.” You may want to specify sleeping as well.
This Ridiculous World