China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Dear Screaming Pig We Drove Past

Dear Screaming Pig We Drove Past,

Your timing was remarkable. It wasn’t more than 24 hours before that I had told Owen of the place my mom took my younger brother and me as small children in Costa Rica. It was a place where men with mustaches and blood-spattered rubber clothing dealt with naughty pigs and children, our Costa Rican “Grandfather” explained. We walked through rows and rows of giant grunting animals and the men showed us the hooks by which they’d hang and the rusty machetes on their belts which would facilitate the draining process. It wasn’t until we were outside the warehouse, peacefully scanning the surrounding rainforest for a rare bird, that the screaming started. It was the unmistakably horrifying cry of imminent death and it went on and on echoing endlessly in our young minds to the amusement of our “Grandfather” and the horror of our mother.

I didn’t even have to look at you, your shriek bounced throughout the car for less than 4 seconds as we sped by, and though our Chinese companions didn’t even bat an eye, I have had a clear picture in my mind ever since. Stop me if I’m wrong: Surrounded by dark haired men in fancy shoes with sharp knives, you were tied tightly on a high wooden table that fit only the width of your body, leaving your head and legs to dangle uncomfortably however they may.

I do not want to know what you did to deserve this punishment and I do not want to know what has become of you. Although one would hope you’d say “Christmas Ham” or “Bacon,” I ‘d have to assume something more fitting for our surroundings and our “Stuff People Ingest Voluntarily” section. No, don’t tell us those things, just let us know if that that haunting scream helped to ease your exit from this world.

Sincerely,

This Ridiculous World

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