A red rectangle, yellow shapes, a straightforward simple slogan… so imaginative, so fresh! How impressed I was when handed your envelope; how happy I was that someone had thought to send me mail. I felt a swelling urge to announce my support for something.
But it subsided. After a moment I realized that I had seen these devices before. That red quadrangle – why that was the same striking symbol that represents this foreign country I live in. And the yellow lettering of your surname – with only slight rearranging it could be no different from the golden stars that float in that flag’s corner. If I didn’t know better I might have thought your envelope contained a soviet socialist salutation of some kind.
Unfortunately, you were too late. My absentee ballot had already arrived, been opened by a Chinese national, and been delivered (amid significant confusion over what exactly that official looking document from America was), filled out and sent away. Many days later, your envelope, with its red and yellow motif, made its way to the cluttered desk of a Chinese Communist Party member before reaching its intended recipient. Perhaps they were able to read your red trinity of qualities – smart, strong, sensible – and wonder why you did not at least employ comparatives. Smarter! Stronger! Sensibler! How much more convincing that sounds!
You see, sending your propaganda to China is a bit like sending tea to China. They have enough of it, and none of this tepid family value bombast. When they propagate there is no confusing it for anything else. But this is partially my own fault, for when I registered I opted against affiliating myself with any particular party, which apparently makes me fair game for political seduction via the international postal service.
I realize that your potential district spans an area larger than some US states, but perhaps your sense of space has been distorted. There is nothing smart or sensible about using time and resources to send your family Christmas photos across the Pacific Ocean for a crapshoot at persuading an overseas voter. Here’s a clue about my demographic: we can use the Internet. Life abroad is life without Joe Miller lawn signs and Honk if You Love Guns sidewalk parties. It is life without junk mail. I would prefer to keep it that way.
This Ridiculous World