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Dear Man Golfing Towards the Ming Dynasty Wall

Dear Man Golfing Towards the Ming Dynasty Wall,

Psyche! No? Ok, good concentration. Must come from living amongst so much noise all your life. Anyway, I shouldn’t be trying to disrupt you – surely your game is as important to your business guanxi as what brand of cigarettes you smoke. Or maybe you are just a recreational player, just doing it for the joy. It is good to have a hobby.

And what an ideal day – did you realize it was Thanksgiving Day? You would fit in nicely in an American suburb, with your set of clubs and forest-green sweater. Golden leaves, crisp air, halcyon light dropping heavy shadows on the grass – I almost expect to see a football (the oblong American kind) bounce wobbly by followed by a dirty young man in sweats. But what do you care about Thanksgiving? You think eating turkey is ridiculous. You’ve never sat on a couch for hours drinking beer and eating chips and watching men hit each other while your mother toils frantically in the kitchen. You’ve never stuffed yourself into a coma on turkey, gravy, and all the fixings. Too bad.

So what are you doing for turkey day? I see you’ve set up a little net in front of you, but I can’t help but notice you’ve been chipping your balls over it, and bouncing them off the wall. I used to do the same thing to practice catching a baseball, only I used the concrete outer wall of my elementary school gym. That wall was only about five years old, and had no important place in history. But your wall – it’s over 600 years old! I know it’s no Great Wall, but it too has historical clout (the longest of the world’s ancient city walls), as I’m sure you know.

I wonder what old Emperor Zhu Yuanzhang would think if he saw you lobbing golf balls at his ramparts. He’d probably think you were launching a one-man seige, and you’d have an explosive arrow in your chest by now. Shouldn’t you be showing a little more respect to your city’s great remnant of the Ming Dynasty? I’m sure if you set up your tee outside the Forbidden City, you’d have a man in green uniform on your back in a flash.

But maybe it doesn’t really matter. After all, at the rate things are going, acid rain will tear the wall down in about five more years. May as well make use of a 20 meter high barrier while you have it. Otherwise you’d be aiming at an apartment building, where there’d be a high probability of maiming about 500 people.


Sorry. Nice swing.


This Ridiculous World

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