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Dear Lion Statue Guarding the Spot Where Yang Bangyi Had His Chest Cut Open


Dear Lion Statue Guarding the Spot Where Yang Bangyi Had His Chest Cut Open,

You must be proud. That is a tremendous responsibility you have there – as everyone knows, the Spot Where Yang Bangyi Had His Chest Cut Open is one of China’s most precious and well-known landmarks, secondary perhaps only to the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, and the Terracotta Warriors. Of course, the true events of that fateful Spot remain ambiguous in the history books. We can only assume that the Cutting was fatal. But was it an enemy sword that lacerated Yang’s chest, or his own? Or, does that sign lead us to the site of a metaphorical wounding, to the place where the hero Yang Bangyi was thwarted in love rather than battle? Perhaps it is that poetic mystery that you are meant to protect.

You and your cohort on the opposite flank have done a fine job, either way. You have clearly saved Yang from looters and defacers, and managed to do so while mischievously rolling a ball between your front paws. However, it is your appearance that concerns us. Both your eyes and nose have been eaten to rough, porous nubs. It seems you were not prepared for the chemical attack, caused by Yang’s industrious descendants, that has fallen upon you from the sky. Of course, the location of your injuries suggest the possibility of something even more sinister – that your drinking bowl has been filled with acid. Let this be a warning, for your sake and for that of the Spot Where Yang Bangyi Had His Chest Cut Open: in this age, you never know what form the next attack will take. Remain vigilant.

Sincerely,

This Ridiculous World

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