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Dear Driver Who Hit the Cop Car Directly in Front of the Police Station

Dear Driver Who Hit the Cop Car Directly in Front of the Police Station,

Do you realize what you have done? This is food street. The time is 6:35 PM, just minutes into rush hour, when students from the middle school are set free to their parents, and, simultaneously, the high schoolers are released for a short dinner break, and thousands of them dash to this street. You are blocking the food carts. You are hindering the ability of throngs to form around vendors and restaurants alike. You have caused a two-wheel traffic jam. You are stifling the expected and desired pandemonium of the overpopulated dinner hour.

How dare you.

In addition to the aforementioned offenses, you had the audacity to wedge yourself between the right rear fender of a police vehicle and the front gate of a police station. I suppose you expect to be commended. Well sir, though it appears my camera (and possibly you) had baijiu vision, I most certainly did not. I saw clearly as the trickle of hundreds of single file sports-suit-uniformed students climbed through the gap one by one in the direction opposite of us and, more importantly, our rapidly cooling dinner. By the time we reached home, around the corner on the back of the police station, not 3 minutes normal walking away, the dinner was cold and ruined.

We just wanted you to know, even though the police didn’t seem to care, your little reckless squeeze-through maneuver was more costly than the 100 kuai they charged you upfront for the scratch. It coagulated our Ants Climbing Trees, cooled our Gongbao Chicken Cubes to the point of no flavor, and hardened our rice.

Next time you choose to question the laws of nature and defy any sense of proportion, do it in front of some other police station. Or, at least at a different time of day.


This Ridiculous World

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