China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Dear Classic Cool Guy

Dear Classic Cool Guy,

At first you seemed a typical cheat: Greasy, furrowed brow and squinty glare. No better than most other cheap China copies of our American cultural products. But then, as you passed, the back of your black leather jacket revealed to us an obvious oversight.

The pompadoured, blithely law-breaking icons of 1950s American cinema would be proud. Sure it was early and our perception was probably a little off, but the smooth nonchalance with which you propelled yourself over that subway exit turnstile, not even a suspect glance for the benefit of authority figures as you planted your feet confidently outside the pay area, instantly taking up your strut and thus erasing any possible evidence of wrongdoing, turning our heads in disgusted amazement as though carefully choreographed, the cue card stenciled across your shoulder-blades explained everything – Classic, it read.

With that magical word you became glorious. That swagger! At once slow but sharp, determined but nonchalant, spirited but full of cool. How could we have possibly missed it in that initial hurdle to freedom?

As you disappeared chameleon style into the crowds of millions amidst their weekday morning commute we felt a twinge of pride. Classic cool guy, you’ve done it. Go enjoy your day of cigarettes, baijiu, and back alley deals. Don’t ever change. A desk job and business suit are beneath you – remember that as you polish your jacket, comb your hair, and accept your payments of free subway rides.

With Sincere Admiration,

This Ridiculous World

Leave a Reply