WATCH OUT BELOW!
Nanjing, CHINA – Forget the hazards of passing old men on the sidewalk – their stray spittle is nothing compared to the stone showers of the careless white Westerners. Share this:EmailRedditStumbleUponDigg
FAILING WESTERN POWERS TRANSLATES TO BAD NEWS FOR WESTERN MANNEQUINS
Nanjing, CHINA – These two young American mannequins, naked with innocence but for their painted shoes, stand tall and relatively strong as they wait for the fire hoses. “We went from cherished symbols of cute to trashy reminders of sinful society seemingly over night,” said the male, a children’s size 4-6 whose right arm had [...]
WASTE DISPOSAL CAMPAIGN DEEMED EFFECTIVE
Yichang, CHINA – As part of a recent campaign to improve general cleanliness, the small city of Yichang has displayed a series of informative posters aimed at educating residents in proper waste disposal. In one poster, a friendly cartoon Earth can be seen directing from atop a toilet as two citizens contribute to a growing [...]
DON’T SHIT HERE, BITCHES
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IT IS DOGGED THAT DOES IT!
CHINA – Anticipating enormous cultural gains through the success of this summer’s Olympic games, school officials all over the nation have begun the enormous task of training the youth to succeed in the competitive atmosphere of the future. As is customary, the process is a highly controlled regimen of both verbal and mental repetition of [...]
COZY ROOMS MAKE BLOGGING DIFFICULT
Alaska, USA – Turns out soft, warm, comfortable beds and lazy, cuddling, cute animals endanger the work of even the most devoted writers. Affected qualities include imagination, concentration and diligence. If you think you are suffering from Cozy Room Syndrome take two hours of hard library seat daily. If symptoms persist return to China immediately. [...]
CELL PHONES A DANGER WHILE DRIVING, SOME CHINESE SAY
CHINA – As China’s economy grows and its people enjoy an expanding consumer culture, citizens are expressing concerns about the related hazards of some products, including – but not limited to – the ubiquitous cellphone. While most Chinese would never worry over something as trivial as public safety, there is a small section of the [...]
NEW OLYMPIC STATUE SPOTTED IN YICHANG!
Yichang, CHINA – The statue, which depicts the rings synonymous with the Olympic Games, is most likely part of an effort by the Yichang municipality to express its solidarity with the Chinese capital. While the games are being held far from Hubei province, the people of the small city along the Yangtze hope to draw [...]
THIS MAN IS TAKING PICTURES OF YOUR CHILDREN
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NO CATASTROPHE HERE!
Yichang, CHINA – Despite abundant evidence indicating otherwise, there has in fact been no disaster – natural or man made – here in Yichang. The power lines intertwined with trees, buildings reduced to rubble, roads trenched useless, and air filled with debris are all purposeful expressions of success. World, meet the Chinese Developmental Pre-Olympics Urban [...]
FLATTENED FROG MAKES THREE IN MURDER SPREE
ASIA – A local frog has been identified as the latest victim in a string of mysterious roadside deaths. The amphibian was discovered within a mile of last Wednesday’s snake corpse. These two incidents have now been officially linked with the bizarre fish killing of February 20th. Continuing the trend, the unfortunate frog was found [...]
REPTILE ROADKILL RUMORS RUN RAMPANT
ASIA – The remains of an unidentified snake were found stamped to the side of a beach town road on Wednesday. Authorities are investigating the possibility of foul play, but no official statement has been issued. A spokeswoman for the local police department was hesitant to assume any link to the recent fish murder of [...]
HOMICIDAL MANIAC LEAVES VICTIM HIGH AND DRY
Kep, ASIA – A dead fish was found on the corner of Two Horse Road and Leaning Dog Street. Foul play is suspected despite a definitive lack of evidence. The only quote, given by Detective Gold Shoe, the detective assigned to the case, indicates the surreal, perplexing horror of this discovery: “The smell – none. [...]
CHINESE FIND USE FOR POLLUTION
Yichang, CHINA – As China’s industrial revolution draws criticism for soaring pollution levels, Chinese nationals are proving their adaptability in the face of a rapidly changing environment. With the lunar new year approaching, families have begun preparing their traditional smoked meats, despite having to resort to modernized versions of time-tested methods. On every street, drying [...]
EATING HAMSTERS DURING PREGNANCY MAY CAUSE RODENTLIKE TENDENCIES IN CHILDREN!
Yichang, CHINA – Pediatricians are now warning against the consumption of hampsters during all stages of pregnancy. Recent studies show that babies of hampster-eating mothers invariably display a greater inclination toward certain rodentlike behavior, such as nesting, nibbling, and an insatiable desire to run in place. As a precaution, it is also suggested that pregnant [...]
POSSIBLE GARBAGE NINJA SIGHTING!
Yichang, CHINA – This photograph, taken with a high-speed camera, is perhaps the most substantial visual evidence to date of the existence of the fabled garbage ninja. Forensic analysts, teamed with experts in the field of garbage ninjitsu, believe that the image most likely depicts some sort of bicycle overloaded with Styrofoam, but no official [...]
REFLUENT BORDER TIDE CAUSE FOR CONCERN!
Lo Wu, HONG KONG – Hong Kong Border Patrol appeals to both types of English speaking traveler –the truck driver and the poet – while avoiding the use of cliché “No Reentry” signs all together, thus proving once and for all that non native English speakers have superior vocabularies that should never be questioned. . [...]
SHORT SKIRTS AND HIGH-HEELS NEGATE ALL PRACTICALITY OF BOOTS!
Everywhere, CHINA – This woman is one of countless Chinese women who have been spotted recently sporting the trend of high-heeled boots paired with unseasonably short skirts or shorts… Share this:EmailRedditStumbleUponDigg
COIN OPERATED PHONE BOOTHS STILL EXIST!
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CHINA ANNOUNCES NEW POST-OLYMPIC SLOGAN
Nanjing, CHINA – In effort to more accurately describe their society as a whole, China has stopped the excessive use of phrases such as “One World, One Dream” and “Stronger, Swifter, Higher, Faster,” and instead adopted the term “Zero Delicacy.” Created earlier this month after years of research by The People’s Central Search Committee for [...]
Oct 24, 2008 | Categories: China, NEWS FLASH | Tags: campaigns, Chinese, chinese behavior, Foreigners in China, slogans, social commentary, zero delicacy | Leave A Comment »