Nanjing, CHINA – After three days of continuous drilling the unidentified mustached man on the ladder finally made it through the cement and brick wall and into lucky classroom 8. Though his workspace partially blocked the steps of the entrance to the main building the man’s progress went unimpeded and unquestioned throughout. ...
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NEWS FLASH
Students Undisturbed by Disturbance at Chinese High School
Prototype for Alaskan Attorney Discovered at the Chinese Museum
SLIGHTLY MORE PHOTOGENIC AS MAN
Shanghai, CHINA – A bust of Eric T. Sanders, was recently found in the ancient sculpture wing of the Shanghai Museum. The well-preserved, roughly-carved giant head – which, incidentally, is often referred to as “The Judge” – was previously thought to be some sort of god, demon or school teacher....
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Quarantine vs Guacamole 2009 -OR- Children’s Day: Best Day Ever.
On this holiday in 2008 the Olympic torch passed over the quaint dam nearby and into our city of Yichang. This year’s big event, best known as Swine Flu, made a surprise appearance in the form of an alleged Nanjing city-wide mandate for foreigners to be quarantined (in their personal apartments) for a...
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HE FOUND SOMETHING UP THERE!
A young Chinese man who mines his nose for a living is said to have discovered a new and important substance he calls, Yichang Gold. “I was exploring the eastern gallery when all of a sudden I came across a hard foreign feeling substance. I used my extra long leisure nail to...
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H1N1 MEMO REACHES TOWN TOO LATE
Townsfolk examine ducks for signs of disaster
Remote Place, CHINA – ‘Swine’ not ‘Swan’ fu read the latest in a series of misleading and misinterpreted messages from an unknown but important source. Two weeks ago a similar message prompted the slaughter of the town’s entire duck population. After careful inspection mayor Huli announced,...
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PREDATOR PELTS STRUNG UP AS WARNING
Xian, CHINA – While it may seem like little more than an extensive scarf display, this seemingly endless line of furry skins has been ‘constructed’ for similar reasons to the iconic walls of China’s dynastic past. While the Great Wall was meant to physically deter the barbarous Mongol hordes, this lineup is said...
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CHINA IMITATES FOREIGN DESIGNS…
DOES SO POORLY
Nanjing, CHINA – Despite all sensory evidence, this little red-brick neighborhood is well within the borders of the Orient. In stark contrast to the current trend of massive apartment complexes, this project offers residents an opportunity to pretend that they are living abroad – specifically, in a generic, quaint European community....
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Sea of Potatoes Linked to Whale of a Good Time
Nanjing, CHINA- After months adrift in the unlikely abyss of the local market place, farmer Xiao Wanton, 52, was found alive and well with surprisingly few stories to tell. “You say potato,” Wanton confidently declared to the small collection of mostly uninterested reporters, “I say po-arty!” She finished with her now trademark...
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MAKING CHINA MORE RED
Nanjing, CHINA – There is a new odor floating around the streets of China as of late, causing more puckered noses and headaches: paint. Groups of young patriots have taken it upon themselves to increase the Redness of their nominally Communist country – in quite a literal sense. Aside from hanging the...
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OUR CHINESE SUPERMARKET IS BETTER THAN YOUR SUPERMARKET!
Nanjing, CHINA – The two story meat, veggie and instant noodle mart near our house has always been special with its escalator and “LEG WATCH CARE!” sign. Now it is even better. With the advertised additions of a pool, greased dance floor, and X-treme freestyle cart ramp, Suguo may finally reach that...
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