China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

NEWS FLASH

INVISIBLE HAND OF MARKET FOUND IN CHINA!

INVISIBLE HAND OF MARKET FOUND IN CHINA!

Some Smoggy City, CHINA – While Americans bicker over economic policies and try to disagree on the best way to guide the nation toward prosperity, it seems the object of Adam Smith’s over-referenced phrase has floated across the Pacific to get itself dirty (quite literally) in a different kind of muck. Skeptics will no doubt […]


ANCIENT COUNTRY CHANGES RAPIDLY

ANCIENT COUNTRY CHANGES RAPIDLY

PEOPLE BUY NEW THINGS CHINA – If you have eyes or ears, you’re no doubt familiar with the rumor: China is changing. The Western media teems with tales of the massive nation’s development – the qualities of a rising middle class; the plight of the poor rural folk left behind; the corruption that chews its […]


Students Undisturbed by Disturbance at Chinese High School

Nanjing, CHINA – After three days of continuous drilling the unidentified mustached man on the ladder finally made it through the cement and brick wall and into lucky classroom 8. Though his workspace partially blocked the steps of the entrance to the main building the man’s progress went unimpeded and unquestioned throughout. Students of class […]


Prototype for Alaskan Attorney Discovered at the Chinese Museum

SLIGHTLY MORE PHOTOGENIC AS MAN Shanghai, CHINA – A bust of Eric T. Sanders, was recently found in the ancient sculpture wing of the Shanghai Museum. The well-preserved, roughly-carved giant head – which, incidentally, is often referred to as “The Judge” – was previously thought to be some sort of god, demon or school teacher. […]


Quarantine vs Guacamole 2009 -OR- Children’s Day: Best Day Ever.

On this holiday in 2008 the Olympic torch passed over the quaint dam nearby and into our city of Yichang. This year’s big event, best known as Swine Flu, made a surprise appearance in the form of an alleged Nanjing city-wide mandate for foreigners to be quarantined (in their personal apartments) for a week upon […]


HE FOUND SOMETHING UP THERE!

A young Chinese man who mines his nose for a living is said to have discovered a new and important substance he calls, Yichang Gold. “I was exploring the eastern gallery when all of a sudden I came across a hard foreign feeling substance. I used my extra long leisure nail to scrape it loose. […]


H1N1 MEMO REACHES TOWN TOO LATE

Townsfolk examine ducks for signs of disaster Remote Place, CHINA – ‘Swine’ not ‘Swan’ fu read the latest in a series of misleading and misinterpreted messages from an unknown but important source. Two weeks ago a similar message prompted the slaughter of the town’s entire duck population. After careful inspection mayor Huli announced, “It has […]


PREDATOR PELTS STRUNG UP AS WARNING

Xian, CHINA – While it may seem like little more than an extensive scarf display, this seemingly endless line of furry skins has been ‘constructed’ for similar reasons to the iconic walls of China’s dynastic past. While the Great Wall was meant to physically deter the barbarous Mongol hordes, this lineup is said to serve […]


CHINA IMITATES FOREIGN DESIGNS…

DOES SO POORLY Nanjing, CHINA – Despite all sensory evidence, this little red-brick neighborhood is well within the borders of the Orient. In stark contrast to the current trend of massive apartment complexes, this project offers residents an opportunity to pretend that they are living abroad – specifically, in a generic, quaint European community. Some […]


MAKING CHINA MORE RED

Nanjing, CHINA – There is a new odor floating around the streets of China as of late, causing more puckered noses and headaches: paint. Groups of young patriots have taken it upon themselves to increase the Redness of their nominally Communist country – in quite a literal sense. Aside from hanging the national flag and […]


OUR CHINESE SUPERMARKET IS BETTER THAN YOUR SUPERMARKET!

Nanjing, CHINA – The two story meat, veggie and instant noodle mart near our house has always been special with its escalator and “LEG WATCH CARE!” sign. Now it is even better. With the advertised additions of a pool, greased dance floor, and X-treme freestyle cart ramp, Suguo may finally reach that previously unattainable 12-60 […]


NEW CAMPAIGN INFORMS CITIZENS ON FOREIGN EXPRESSIONS

Nanjing, CHINA – A recent series of public posters hopes to bolster the average Chinese person’s understanding of foreign emotions through the study of common facial expressions. The posters, which are a project of a local magazine, display eight “faces,” each meant to represent a particular feeling, attitude, or intention, all of which have been […]


GOAT CHARIOT RACING SUFFERING FROM ECONOMIC DOWNTURN

Yichang, CHINA – There is an old saying: “As goat racing goes so goes the nation.” Unfortunately, if the favorite pastime of central China is the indicator it is said to be, it seems the nation may be in greater danger than previously expected. “It is quite a bad sign,” said Zhang Xiao Lu, director […]


INVERTED CARTOON TURNS DIGITAL-AGE CHILDRENS’ LIVES UPSIDE DOWN

FOREIGN ENGLISH TEACHER TO BLAME Nanjing, CHINA – “I just wanted to give them something fun for the holidays. I know they like to watch cartoons. I thought it would be a good treat and might further explain Frosty the Snowman’s story, since they studied it,” said the frazzled teacher over the howling chaos of […]


DOG HUMILIATED BY SWEATER TAKES REVENGE ON INNOCENT BYSTANDER!

Nanjing, CHINA – Reports say the perpetrator, a long-haired, short-legged Pekingese embarrassed by a hooded red pullover assaulted a short-haired, mixed breed puppy at about 11:30 AM Wednesday near the Hongshan Zoo subway stop. It was not immediately clear whether the canines were acquainted with each other prior to the incident. The sole reliable witness, […]


PAY PHONE TINY SHOE CALLING CARD THIEF EXPOSED!

Nanjing, CHINA – Pay phones have been disappearing from kiosks in a series of thefts that has left little to no impact on the citizens of the city. When asked about her discovery, Long Xiaomei, the eighty-one year old local woman who is credited with reporting the missing phones commented, “What! What’s gone? Oh, yes, […]


‘LIFE AFTER WIRES’ PREPARES TELECOMPANY EMPLOYEES FOR CIRCUS WORK IN OTHERWISE DISMAL FUTURE

Nanjing, CHINA – L.A.W. (Life After Wires) is not your usual Telecom support group. They won’t put you on hold, but they might make you hold on – for your life. L.A.W., an organization which offers a course to help ease land line workers into the wireless age, has been very busy. In 2008, the […]


MASSIVE EXHIBIT OF CREATIVITY FOUND TO BE ROOTED IN INOPERATIVE TRAFFIC LIGHTS

Nanjing, CHINA – In an event without precedent in contemporary China, thousands of vehicles and pedestrians participated in what initially appeared to be a carefully choreographed interpretive dance. First reports declared the dance to represent the intricate combination of frustration and flow involved in navigating Chinese roads. Trucks, public buses, cars, bikes, and pedestrians met […]


MISSING CHINESE DIGGER REEMERGES ALIVE!

Nanjing, CHINA – While China abandoned its controversial project of digging a hole to the West over three decades ago, an undisclosed number of diggers were never called back and have long been assumed dead and lost among the many tunnels. However, one of those highly-trained burrowers has apparently resurfaced – though not in the […]


HAVE NO BEER! THE TEA-MEN ARE HERE!

Nanjing, CHINA – In a surprise publicity appearance today, the Lipton Tea-Men astounded passing drivers and pedestrians alike. Fighting their way through the carbonated chaos of Big Soft Drink Street, they showed themselves to be less yellow-bellied and more yellow-track-suited and yellow-grocery-basketed than previously assumed. Upon reaching the other side, the team spent hours pestering […]


PEACE AND QUIET STILL EXIST!

Nanjing, CHINA – Despite overwhelming evidence suggesting the end of all comforting space and quietude, it appears that a handful of peaceful sanctuaries may still remain within China’s borders. This elderly man, unsatisfied practicing Tai Chi amongst the elbows of a hundred other retirees, went in search of seclusion, and managed to find a small, […]


PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY: NOT AS SIMPLE AS SOME MAY THINK!

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CHINA NOT AWARE THAT PIZZA HUT IS SHITTY

Nanjing, CHINA – Judging by the snaking lines extending from the entrances of Pizza Huts throughout the city, its seems that the American company has, in our modern parlance, “pulled a fast one” on the most populous nation on Earth. The red herding tape, fancy menus, pseudo-Italian decor, and overeager greeting crew all combine to […]


CHINA ANNOUNCES NEW POST-OLYMPIC SLOGAN

Nanjing, CHINA – In effort to more accurately describe their society as a whole, China has stopped the excessive use of phrases such as “One World, One Dream” and “Stronger, Swifter, Higher, Faster,” and instead adopted the term “Zero Delicacy.” Created earlier this month after years of research by The People’s Central Search Committee for […]