Dear Readers,
Well, we’re a little older, a little wiser perhaps, and definitely a little more sarcastic. This happens when you travel. We hit Dublin, London, and Paris with a succession of shocking realizations as to just how short our Chinese paychecks would take us
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Dear Big Ants Who Were Bossing Around the Little Ants,
First, I must say that you look crazy up close. Sorry, but I have been a little off lately and have found that brushing aside distractions clears up a path towards almost clarity.
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Dear Elephant Man,
Perhaps you do not suffer from some debilitating, disfiguring deadly disease. Your face does not appear horribly mutated. No mind. This title is not meant to damage your self esteem. No, if it does you are too sensitive and maybe we have you wrong. We refer instead to...
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Dear Doggie in the Window,
You are not the first of your kind to be pictured on this page, nor the first to be the subject of our thoughts. Indeed, you are not even the first canine to be addressed here in the second person, human to dog, via missive. However, let none...
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Dear “White Bear,”
WHITE BEAR! Your skin’s hue of Sprite bottles, severe seasickness, and apple candy is cause for concern. Your sallow belly is not hidden behind your crooked tie. Neither is that torso spanning scar. A vicious fight it must have been. Your American flag top hat, raised arms...
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Dear Students Who Covet Our Autographs,
When you tell me “write your name” on this pencil case, jacket, notebook, text book, toy, hand, etc. and I ask you, “why?” it is not because I don’t understand what you are saying. No amount of repetition, louder, slower or otherwise will answer my question. I’m looking...
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Dear Foreign Businessman Who Gave Me a Cigar on the Train from Shanghai,
I still have the cigar, by the way, which you so generously handed me after we had exchanged no more than ten words – mere pleasantries between strangers on a train – as you and your wife were stalled in the aisle...
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Dear Classic Cool Guy,
At first you seemed a typical cheat: Greasy, furrowed brow and squinty glare. No better than most other cheap China copies of our American cultural products. But then, as you passed, the back of your black leather jacket revealed to us an obvious oversight.
The pompadoured, blithely law-breaking icons...
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Dear Rooster That Tried to Fly and Smashed Into a Wall,
We have no sympathy. Despite your uncontrollable flapping and squawking, despite the fact that you are shown here sliding upside-down along that brick wall, as though thrown by some vicious young farmhand, we know that you were victimized by nothing but your own...
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Dear Old Chinese People Who Cheat the System,
Good for you. It’s about time the elderly started sticking up for themselves. So often your age group is portrayed as helpless and dependent. But I suppose you’ve had plenty of experience to teach you how futile it is to just wait around for...
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