China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Letters to Whomever

Dear People of the Rooftops

Dear People of the Rooftops

Dear People of the Rooftops, We see you sometimes, black shapes crawling over unfinished buildings – black because of your distance and the dulling grayness between us and also because of the jackets you wear and the hair on your head. You are the toilers; the transformers of the cities; the ones who knock it […]


Dear PBR (China’s World War Two Yes We Can!)

Dear PBR (China's World War Two Yes We Can!)

“World War Two Edition in Memory of US Army” Dear Pabst Blue Ribbon, We know you. Pibber. P-B-R. We know you embarrassingly well. Pabst Blue Ribbon, unofficial cheap beer of choice for American hipster youth. We charge you with attempting to establish yourself as the representative drink of choice in a slightly different niche market […]


Dear Republican State Senate Candidate Who Mailed Propaganda to China

Dear Republican State Senate Candidate Who Mailed Propaganda to China

Dear Republican State Senate Candidate Who Mailed Propaganda to China, A red rectangle, yellow shapes, a straightforward simple slogan… so imaginative, so fresh! How impressed I was when handed your envelope; how happy I was that someone had thought to send me mail. I felt a swelling urge to announce my support for something. But […]


Dear Sichuan Monarch Sanitary Ware Co., Ltd.

Dear Sichuan Monarch Sanitary Ware Co., Ltd.

Dear Sichuan Monarch Sanitary Ware Co., Ltd., Let’s begin with a scenario: We are walking along the streets of Nanjing, two years past, when a chocolate-brown bus comes hurtling by, its entire visible body transformed into advertising space. It does not feature an airbrushed Taiwanese corn juice model, but instead an oversized naked white child […]


Dear Readers

Dear Readers, Well, we’re a little older, a little wiser perhaps, and definitely a little more sarcastic. This happens when you travel. We hit Dublin, London, and Paris with a succession of shocking realizations as to just how short our Chinese paychecks would take us Share this:


Dear Big Ants Who Were Bossing Around the Little Ants

Dear Big Ants Who Were Bossing Around the Little Ants, First, I must say that you look crazy up close. Sorry, but I have been a little off lately and have found that brushing aside distractions clears up a path towards almost clarity. Share this:


Dear Elephant Man

Dear Elephant Man, Perhaps you do not suffer from some debilitating, disfiguring deadly disease. Your face does not appear horribly mutated. No mind. This title is not meant to damage your self esteem. No, if it does you are too sensitive and maybe we have you wrong. We refer instead to the hue of your […]


Dear Doggie in the Window

Dear Doggie in the Window, You are not the first of your kind to be pictured on this page, nor the first to be the subject of our thoughts. Indeed, you are not even the first canine to be addressed here in the second person, human to dog, via missive. However, let none of this […]


Dear “White Bear”

Dear “White Bear,” WHITE BEAR! Your skin’s hue of Sprite bottles, severe seasickness, and apple candy is cause for concern. Your sallow belly is not hidden behind your crooked tie. Neither is that torso spanning scar. A vicious fight it must have been. Your American flag top hat, raised arms with flashing cards and a […]


Dear Students Who Covet Our Autographs

Dear Students Who Covet Our Autographs, When you tell me “write your name” on this pencil case, jacket, notebook, text book, toy, hand, etc. and I ask you, “why?” it is not because I don’t understand what you are saying. No amount of repetition, louder, slower or otherwise will answer my question. I’m looking for […]


Dear Foreign Businessman Who Gave Me a Cigar on the Train from Shanghai

Dear Foreign Businessman Who Gave Me a Cigar on the Train from Shanghai, I still have the cigar, by the way, which you so generously handed me after we had exchanged no more than ten words – mere pleasantries between strangers on a train – as you and your wife were stalled in the aisle […]


Dear Classic Cool Guy

Dear Classic Cool Guy, At first you seemed a typical cheat: Greasy, furrowed brow and squinty glare. No better than most other cheap China copies of our American cultural products. But then, as you passed, the back of your black leather jacket revealed to us an obvious oversight. The pompadoured, blithely law-breaking icons of 1950s […]


Dear Rooster That Tried to Fly and Smashed Into a Wall

Dear Rooster That Tried to Fly and Smashed Into a Wall, We have no sympathy. Despite your uncontrollable flapping and squawking, despite the fact that you are shown here sliding upside-down along that brick wall, as though thrown by some vicious young farmhand, we know that you were victimized by nothing but your own self-delusions […]


Dear Old Chinese People Who Cheat the System

Dear Old Chinese People Who Cheat the System, Good for you. It’s about time the elderly started sticking up for themselves. So often your age group is portrayed as helpless and dependent. But I suppose you’ve had plenty of experience to teach you how futile it is to just wait around for the System to […]


Dear Children Who So Easily Submit to the Mob

Dear Children Who So Easily Submit to the Mob, Jesus Christ! That is a sight to behold – a sight to bemoan. Thank goodness we were trapped in a rolling Volkswagen, safe from the indiscriminate reactions of youth unhinged. In the haze of prepubescent madness it seems even my camera lens was blurred, but the […]


Dear Man Building a Brick Wall Over a Glass One

Dear Man Building a Brick Wall Over a Glass One

Dear Man Building a Brick Wall Over a Glass One, That reminds me of something I once heard, an old Confucian proverb, perhaps: “Don’t build walls in front of windows,” I think it was. Something about possibilities, I suppose, or vision. Sound advice, though a little self-evident. Of course, the building of walls is part […]


Dear Sleeping Bicycle Guard

Dear Sleeping Bicycle Guard, Finally, we have caught you, after so many undocumented sightings. There is no denying it now – sleeping on the job! Ha! So, as yet another lucky pawner makes off with his lunch resting in some over-worked high schooler’s handlebar basket, we will address the great mystery of your constant catnapping. […]


Dear G. Bush

Dear G. Bush, We apologize for your given title (the G, of course, is short for Garbage), which we realize is unfortunately similar to the name of our infamous leader, the number 1 American, the grand dunce of Washington, G.W. Bush, who, for slightly more than a week, will continue to be all of those […]


Dear Person Who Left that Tarp Piled High With Feces Outside Our Apartment

Dear Person Who Left that Tarp Piled High With Feces Outside Our Apartment, Seeing as this is the center of a large city, tens, perhaps hundreds of miles from the nearest farmland where your rank hoard might be considered useful, we understand your confidence in leaving it unattended for the last 10 days. However, the […]


Dear Santa (We Know About the Economic MSG)

Dear Santa (We Know About the Economic MSG), We found this image of you on our camera. We don’t know how or when you did it, but we respectfully request that you refrain from using our recording devices in the future. The fact that you know who has been naughty or nice by no means […]


Dear Lion Statue Guarding the Spot Where Yang Bangyi Had His Chest Cut Open

Dear Lion Statue Guarding the Spot Where Yang Bangyi Had His Chest Cut Open, You must be proud. That is a tremendous responsibility you have there – as everyone knows, the Spot Where Yang Bangyi Had His Chest Cut Open is one of China’s most precious and well-known landmarks, secondary perhaps only to the Forbidden […]


Dear Driver Who Hit the Cop Car Directly in Front of the Police Station

Dear Driver Who Hit the Cop Car Directly in Front of the Police Station, Do you realize what you have done? This is food street. The time is 6:35 PM, just minutes into rush hour, when students from the middle school are set free to their parents, and, simultaneously, the high schoolers are released for […]


Dear Man Golfing Towards the Ming Dynasty Wall

Dear Man Golfing Towards the Ming Dynasty Wall, Psyche! No? Ok, good concentration. Must come from living amongst so much noise all your life. Anyway, I shouldn’t be trying to disrupt you – surely your game is as important to your business guanxi as what brand of cigarettes you smoke. Or maybe you are just […]


Dear Alaska 2

Dear Alaska, OK! We have to admit you had us. We really thought you wanted to reelect crooked old Uncle Ted. We are silly gullible fools. What a wonderful dosage of humility! For that we thank you. Next, we must issue an apology. We were wrong. You’re only a little less than half as dumb […]