China-focused Satire, Social Commentary, Comics and More

Dear “White Bear”

Dear “White Bear,”

WHITE BEAR! Your skin’s hue of Sprite bottles, severe seasickness, and apple candy is cause for concern. Your sallow belly is not hidden behind your crooked tie. Neither is that torso spanning scar. A vicious fight it must have been. Your American flag top hat, raised arms with flashing cards and a wand – I see you think yourself a prestidigitator. An image of perfect drunken hilarity.

Unless, of course, this is some sort of social experiment, what with the scar, the green fur, the spade card – what are you trying to say? Have you sewn up your black and white panda self in some sort of acid crazed tribute to Ken Kesey’s dream? And what exactly is this dream of exploded balloons and technicolor nonsense? Is it to get yourself immortalized on plastic flip-top trash bins?

If so, congratulations. Your dream has come true in the form of the aptly titled “Waste Basket.” A bizarrely accurate description of your feat. Most people know that panda bears are an endangered species. While you may have no respect for your own kind or their importance in the natural world you should have thought a little harder when it came to murdering that poor specimen of the green bear. For everyone knows that green bears are thought to be extinct and are now surely so after your little selfish stunt. How clever you have been!

“Happiness to Everybody.” That’s the dream, isn’t it? Well, you should probably add “except Green Bears, they don’t get to exist,” just to make yourself clear.

We’ll leave you here to think about what you’ve done. As you come down from that journey through nowhere land, and you find yourself sick in a public toilet, look in the left corner where this homage to your hedonism typically rests and realize the reality of what you’ve done. You monster.


This Ridiculous World

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