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Dear Alaska 2

Dear Alaska,

OK! We have to admit you had us. We really thought you wanted to reelect crooked old Uncle Ted. We are silly gullible fools. What a wonderful dosage of humility! For that we thank you.

Next, we must issue an apology. We were wrong. You’re only a little less than half as dumb as Sarah Palin. There is no excuse for our previous accusation. We must have been blinded by 30 years of political disappointments. What else can we say but sorry.

For the giant portion who actually did vote for Stevens: You do realize he’s not your real uncle? Do you also realize that he is a convicted felon who eats more babies than Cheney and would be 91 years old if he were elected and completed this term? All true. Either you are crazy or you have an incredibly twisted sense of humor. Instead of voting in the next election you should just sit at home and polish your guns. You know you want to anyway.

And the Alaska Independence Party! Oh my! Thank you so much! Who knew you would ever be good for anything? Hooray for third party Republican ailments!

Congratulations Former Mayor Begich. Being the first Alaskan Democrat Senator in almost 30 years you might assume expectations are low. Well, sir, you assume wrongly. Just because Stevens was an out of touch octogenarian doesn’t mean you’re on easy street. Two words, New Senator Begich – Mike Gravel. That’s right. You have huge, intellectual, draft stopping filibuster boots to fill. Get moving! Might we suggest beginning by securing federal funding for any registered Democrat interested in relocating to your beautiful home state? Just an idea to increase your job security.

Well, Alaska, good work. Go out and enjoy your seven hours of daylight. You’ve earned it.

Oh, and Happy Birthday Uncle Ted, enjoy 85, we hear it’s all uphill from there.


This Ridiculous World

*Editor’s Note: This is a follow up to a letter we wrote on November 5th. Follow the “you had us” link to read that short letter.

One Response to “Dear Alaska 2”

  1. Nevada Mojo Rising says:

    Yes! More than three cheers for the defeat of Ted Stevens. I might start to like Alaska again. I grew up there. Wish I had bullied Palin but I was already in jr high when she was old enough to pick on in elementary school! HA!

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